im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
