i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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