We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
