he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
