Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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