we made out on top of his cat.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
