found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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