i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
