I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
