honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Boobs speak an international language.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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