What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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