I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
