3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize