Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish i was in the wii world.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
