Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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