I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
