I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
false alarm, still single
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize