I checked into jail on foursquare
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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