I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize