I wish I could punch you in the face.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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