Only a mothe r could love this liver
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
