Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
