Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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