aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
