On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
