So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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