Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
