i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I AM VODKA MAN
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
