I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
