I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
