this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
