I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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