I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
