trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
