I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
