I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
