I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
