I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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