Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
