Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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