i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
