Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
