I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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