if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
