The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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