eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
