Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
