She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
