i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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