I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
