my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
