And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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