You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
