drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
