you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
