i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
