I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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